niedziela, 31 marca 2013
sobota, 30 marca 2013
piątek, 29 marca 2013
Cat butt gum
"Cat butt gum", peppermint
7 helpful occasions to chew this gum:
1) When you suddenly need to change your mood.
2) When somebody yell's at you and you don't want to listen.
3) When you lack a good attitude
4) When you need to refuse.
5) When you want to be picky.
6) When you want to be selfish.
7) When you definitely want to say "kiss my ass!"
Chew more than one if you need extra attitude.
8 pieces of "kiss my ass" attitude.
Dinner
My girlfriend just caught me blow drying my penis and asked what was I doing. Apparently, "heating your dinner" was not the right answer.
czwartek, 28 marca 2013
Socialism
"Socialism kills, slowly but surely"
Especially in the one currently provided to us by the European Union.
Pedophile beards, a classic with translation
Translation:
From the maker of the rapist glasses comes a new product that's sure to put back the "sex" into "convicted sex criminal". Introducing: pedophile beards. Pedophile beards gives you that creepy sex face that women simply can't resist. Stop going out with your boring "nice guy" look and start terrifying people. Pedophile beards can be worn on their own or combined with our rapist glasses to create that rapist pedophile look that you've always wanted. And come by our store to check out some of our other products like the serial killer van, the public masturbator trench coat, the "there has to be something wrong with that guy" hat and our wide selection of pencil crayons. And remember, you don't have to be a convicted murdered, publicly masturbating rapist pedophile to want to look like one. Sex criminal fashions - because the "bad boy" look is for pussies.
środa, 27 marca 2013
Leviticus
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"Tattoo of Leviticus 18:22 forbidding homosexuality: $200
Not knowing that Leviticus 19:28 forbids tattoos: Priceless"
wtorek, 26 marca 2013
Translated posts
Hello, bloggers and viewers!
I've decided to write the text from the pictures just above or below the posts so that the translating application will be able to show the posts in your own language (i.e. if you're not English). I'm starting with my oldest posts. I'll update this message when I've finished.
Update: I've just finished rewriting texts from posts. They're now available in any language you choose from the translating application that I have at the top of my blog. Have fun. :)
For some reason the application doesn't want to choose "Polish" as an option. No discrimination intended. If the application doesn't have your language available, you can always use G_o_o_g_l_e T_r_a_n_s_l_a_t_e in your Google search engine.
If you like my stuff - add me, friend me, subscribe and have a 100 laughs with my collection.
Thanks,
Mike
Why be suspicious?
A white American woman who had a black baby claims she fell pregnant whilst watching a porn movie in 3D. According to the reports, the child's father, who is white, was serving in the military in Iraq when she became pregnant.
His wife Jennifer told him that the child was conceived while she was watching a porn movie in 3D.
"I see it as suspicious. The films in 3D are very real. With today's technology, anything is possible", he said.
Jennifer claimed that she went to watch a porn film with her friends in New York and doesn't usually watch porn movies and that she went to watch it to experience the effects in 3D. Jennifer says the child looks like the black actor in the movie. "A month after watching the movie I started feeling dizzy and the results were positive", she said.
Jennifer admits that her marriage could be in trouble. "Even though my husband believed me, my marriage could be at risk. But he knows that I'm faithful", she said.
poniedziałek, 25 marca 2013
Aspirins
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"Why are aspirins white?"
"I don't know."
"Because they work."
"W_o_r_k" in English may mean "to be busy with something" when it refers to a person or "to function" if it refers to a thing.
Wat?
"No, girls can, too but it's not like our cum is like water but clear"
"Really? I've never done it."
"Ok, well, how do you know when to stop?"
"I don't know. It feels good for a while and I just decide to stop... I'm afraid of my parents walking in."
"How do you do it? Like, on your bed or with your knickers on?"
"At night I get on my bed and put my covers on me."
"And what? Pull your knickers down?"
"Then I put my panties off and put some vaseline on my fingers."
"Ok, why vaseline?"
"It makes it easier. Then I stick a finger in there."
"Nice, nice."
"And start moving it around."
"Have you got msn?"
"No, sorry."
"Fuck yeah, how many fingers have you had in your pussy before?"
"And eventually I get two fingers in there, then I put some vaseline on my other hand and start rubbing my penis."
"What?"
niedziela, 24 marca 2013
That's adorable
"I killed 1 student and injured 4. I'm a legend."
"Bitch please, we killed 13 people and injured 24."
"Bitches please. I bombed the offices of the prime minister, killed 77 people and injured 151."
"That's adorable."
National flag
"Car logo: universal type, good feeling, excellent function, built-in heat resistant ceramic protector. National flag:"
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